Meet Devon Dubois Certified Emotionally Focused Therapist And Supervisor | Psychotherapist and Relationship Expert

We had the good fortune of connecting with Devon Dubois Certified Emotionally Focused Therapist And Supervisor and we’ve shared our conversation below.

Hi Devon DuBois, what role has risk played in your life or career?
It was the fall of 2010 and I was an enthusiastic and eager grad-school student, sitting in the first class of my grad-school journey, with my new Marriage and Family Therapy (MFT) cohort. I was taking a “psychotherapy: interventions and techniques” course when my professor led with a very important and thought-provoking question; one, that I am certain will stick with me.

My professor asked, “what does it take for you to assume risk?” He continued, “We assume risk every day- in a number of ways.” He had a serious look on his face, but underneath his glasses, his eyes appeared to be lighting up with excitement as he engaged the class. “We all take calculated risks… every day.” “We have our own comfort levels; and, as such, we assess risk very differently.” He continued, “You all took a risk by showing up today- by enrolling in an MFT program- by driving to school.”

I don’t recall how I responded to his question, but I remember the way that I felt and the tone of the room. What does it take for me to assume risk?

I felt energized and a bit nervous for what I might encounter on my journey in becoming a psychotherapist. I could feel the energy and emotion behind the implication, in a very somatic way. For the first time, I realized that grad-school would forever change me.

The process would inevitably push me beyond my comfort zone. I would be invited to look at myself through a different lens. My values, my relationships (relationship with self and with others) and my worldview would be topics of exploration. It was a bit scary to imagine because it was all quite new. But, in the words of John Wayne, “having courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway.” I was excited for the ride.

Just as I had predicted, the ride certainly shifted my perspective on life and on relationships. It became clear that I would need to commit to growth; not just in grad-school, but for the rest of my life.

Assuming risk as a young clinician meant I would need to lean into many new, vulnerable, and difficult moments. Then and only then, could I grow and develop as a therapist. If I could embrace vulnerability and learn from adversity, all while staying clear within myself, I would be on a solid path to becoming a thoughtful clinician (full of grit, wisdom, and empathy). Smooth sailing (insert sarcasm).

Once I started working with my first clients, I began to take a deep-dive into the therapeutic work, into the learning process, and into to the heart of the risk…

As an MFT trainee and then as an intern, every time I showed a video of my clinical work or when I engaged in a live psychotherapy session (where my mentors and peers would observe); I was assuming risk. I was putting myself out there. My clinical skills would be discussed and critiqued. As a green clinician, I had to learn to manage difficult situations where there was high-conflict, emotional distress, and rapid escalation between couples. I had to stay steady, yet flexible, so I could fully attune to my clients and help them establish emotional safety. Allowing my colleagues and mentors to put eyes on my work was and continues to be invaluable. I believe we grow when we “risk,” and when we are willing to let others be with us in our success and in our struggle.

Upon licensure (three years post-grad), I made the decision to open my own practice. As a self-starter, I craved the flexibility of being on my own. The transition from being an intern to a licensed psychotherapist/small business owner was a bit intimidating. It brought me back to the time when I was an eager grad-school student… to that very moment where my peers discussed risk. Once again, I could feel a shift of energy. I was assuming risk by taking this leap. You see, I was betting on myself.

It was easier to lean into this risk (starting my own practice), knowing that I had a supportive community. My friends, family, and colleagues helped me along the way- they kept me steady. I also had a passion for the therapeutic work, so the journey felt exciting. I would continue to work hard at improving my craft.

Growing in the Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) model was a vulnerable, lengthy, and complex process. I continued to share my clinical work with mentors and colleagues, post licensure. I had to consistently videotape my sessions and share my “leading edge” with others.

EFT is an empirically supported therapeutic approach that focuses on helping partners restructure their attachment bond. An EFT therapist aims to be fully attuned- deeply engaged in the work- and prepared to walk around and linger in heavy emotion.

The role of risk in my clinical work:

As a Certified EFT Therapist and Supervisor, I regularly ask clients to take risks. In the therapy room, “risking” happens when there is a deep, emotional, interaction between two partners. A “risk” can also be defined as a reach. In EFT, reaching involves one party turning to their partner (in a vulnerable way)- and sharing something that feels new, important, and often difficult to share. Sharing in a different, more vulnerable way, can feel scary for many. Couples risk when they reach for one another in this space. For example- risking may involve one partner sharing an emotion and a longing (e.g. for comfort, security, and connection), with their partner. This type of reach can only happen when there is enough emotional safety in the therapy room. As an EFT therapist, I am there to choreograph this exchange- to help create safety- for the “reach” to be received in (hopefully) the most loving and accepting way. An example of one partner risking would be if they were to share, “I am afraid I am going to lose you. I need reassurance that I’m enough for you- that I matter.”

So what does it take for me to assume risk? Belief in myself and a secure-base in others. The safety that I find within my family and friends makes it easier for me to assume risk. Community and connection are everything to me.

Alright, so for those in our community who might not be familiar with your business, can you tell us more?
I’m a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (#87052) based in sunny San Diego, California. I am also a Certified EFT Therapist and Supervisor, recognized by the International Centre for Excellence in Emotionally Focused Therapy (ICEEFT). I am a native San Diegan and I am passionate about animals, traveling, food, art, culture, music, and relationships. I am so PASSIONATE about relationships, that my practice is centered around them. I primarily work with couples through an EFT lens. I am also a trauma-informed psychotherapist. I work with individuals using the attachment framework, as well as, Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR). EMDR is a trauma-focused modality that allows the brain to resume its natural healing process. It relies heavily on the Adaptive Information Processing (AIP) model, a theory about how the brain stores and codes memories. Both EFT and EMDR are considered evidence-based practice.

I’m here because I am eager to help individuals and couples create safety, security, and connection in their relationships and in their life. I want to help people move through difficult life transitions and heal in the most positive, adaptive, and healthy ways. I work with a variety of populations- with individuals from all different walks of life. I try to honor the full depth and breath of people’s identities- to celebrate and make space for any dimension of their lived experience that they would like to bring forward. I work with trauma, attachment-related wounds, relational distress, self-esteem, PTSD, anxiety, depression, and loss.

I care about outcomes. I want people to heal. I also want my clients to feel my warmth, humility, empathy, and engagement as a therapist. As humans in a complicated and ever-changing world, we all need empathy and understanding when we are sad, afraid, or anxious. Knowing that someone is accessible, emotionally engaged, and responsive can provide comfort to a nervous system that is dysregulated. I believe I have a unique ability to deeply attune and connect with others- a way of relating, that can help move people into a place of hope. I feel honored every time someone is willing to share their story with me.

Any places to eat or things to do that you can share with our readers? If they have a friend visiting town, what are some spots they could take them to?
As a San Diego native, it’s hard to attempt to be the Rick Steves of the SD scene because there is SO MUCH to do in America’s finest city- it’s hard to narrow the focus.

In terms of activities… I would highly recommend hiking Torrey Pines State Natural Reserve, even if you’re typically a human of leisure. The views of the ocean are spectacular. Kayaking in the La Jolla sea caves and spending a day in Downtown La Jolla is a fun experience. La Jolla cove is one of the most photographed beaches in SOCAL due to its beauty and wildlife.

Walking around Sunset Cliffs Natural Park or exploring a museum in Balboa Park are also at the top of my list. If heading to Balboa Park is in the cards, I would be sure to grab a drink or small bite at Panama 66- it’s an outdoor venue and they often have live music. Taking a San Diego Harbor Cruise is another great way to experience the beauty of SD.

If the Padres are in town, heading to Petco Park for a ballgame would make for a fun adventure. If you are an animal lover, like me, heading to the world renowned, San Diego Zoo, is a must. Our zoo has over 12,000 rare and endangered species.

*If you happen to love people-watching or geek culture- *if you happen to be in town during Comic Con- and *if you can score a badge- head to the convention center in your best cosplay. San Diego Comic Con is a fully immersive experience.

I would dedicate one full day to exploring the island of Coronado and visiting the historic, Hotel Del. One can go for a bike-ride or enjoy a night at the theater (Lamb’s Players Theatre). The Henry is one of my favorite restaurants for brunch. Peohe’s restaurant offers a beautiful view of the San Diego skyline.

No trip is complete without live music. My favorite indoor venue is “the Belly Up” in Solana Beach. Pizza Port and Tony’s Jacal (authentic Mexican food) are top contenders for food in the North County area. My favorite outdoor venue for music is Humphrey’s by the Bay. Ringo Starr recently made his way there. The Rady’s Shell is also exceptional due to the view and acoustics. Both venues are nestled up on the water.

Old town and Liberty Station could surely be tackled in a day. Old Town is considered the “birthplace” of California. The streets are lined with historical landmarks, parks, and restaurants- all rich in culture and Mexican heritage. The Whaley House is considered “the most haunted house in America.” It’s worth exploring (even if you have nightmares). If you want to spice up your game, you can treat yourself to a chips-and-salsa restaurant crawl on one of the main streets. You would have to organize this, solo, because sadly, there is no official tour. Heritage Park (featuring restored Victorian homes) is walking distance from Old Town.

Liberty Station is a fun place to visit. There is a nice restaurant hall and it’s now home to the “Corvette Diner.” This is a great place to take children. Go for the sass, oldies music, and ambience. If you make your way into the heart of Point Loma, check out Eppig Brewing- it’s right on the water.

South Park is a beautiful neighborhood, full of restaurants, charm, and tree-lined streets. Kindred and Mothership are delightful.

If you find yourself in North Park, head to the restaurant, CinKuni, for something unique (Japanese/Italian fusion).

The USS Midway (a museum ship/ former aircraft carrier for the US Navy) is worth exploring. The Midway played a key role in the Cold War. Afterward, pop over to Seaport Village for lunch and shopping (beware of the tourist traps).

Nightlife: Music Bar in Clairemont Mesa (a speakeasy, complete with classic vinyls); The Lafayette hotel (if you are looking for more of a scene).

Dessert: Somi Somi (home of the Korean dessert Ah-Boong- a fish-shaped waffle cone filled with your choice of filling and topped with soft serve). Uncle Biff’s (located in Hillcrest- serves exceptional cookies).

Restaurants and Coffee Spots: Menya Ramen (aka, the best place to experience authentic Japanese Ramen). Lolitas Mexican food (my favorite taco shop). Little Italy for fresh pasta. Jaunt (for empanadas and coffee). Grange Garden (if you’re into coffee and holding bunnies). Rancho Bernardo Winery- serves food (fancy types of seasonal chutney), coffee, and wine.

Who else deserves some credit and recognition?
Who doesn’t deserve credit in my story? Everyone who has ever supported me, believed in me, laughed with me, loved me, taught me, comforted me, and walked alongside me- deserves credit. My relationships are the wind beneath my wings. My immediate family, as well as my extended family (grandparents, aunts and uncles, and cousins), have all played an integral role in my story.

My parents have always walked alongside me- both literally and figuratively. My dad would run up-and-down the sidelines of the soccer field when I was a kid just to let me know, he was there- full of support, love, and belief in me. I played midfield- so we both ran quite a bit. After giving birth to my son, he would walk alongside me throughout the halls of the hospital- helping me to regain my strength. My mom can be found showering me with empathy and unconditional positive regard. I fully believe that we aren’t meant to do life alone- we are attachment creatures. And both of my parents are funny creatures- they use humor quite a bit.

One of my favorite professors, Dr. Peter McKimmin, deserves a shoutout. He taught me so much about life, culture, acceptance, and diversity. My cousins- the most solid of friends. They are always there for me. Brian and Susie Sussan- there, every step of the way. Carolan Kosslyn- an empathic soul who helped me foster creativity and kindness. The most caring and selfless mentor, leader, and friend, Dr. Lisa Palmer-Olsen. She continues to teach me about relationships, EFT, and love. She’s a secure-base for me.

I feel lucky to be surrounded by colleagues who inspire me. Even though I am in private practice, I never feel alone.

Website: https://www.devondubois.com

Instagram: devon_dubois_

Image Credits
All Colors Photography