Meet Carey Palmquist | Founder and End-of-Life Doula, Chesapeake Bay Death Doula
We had the good fortune of connecting with Carey Palmquist and we’ve shared our conversation below.
Hi Carey, can you walk us through the thought-process of starting your business?
I was a non-profit operations executive for the lions’ share of my career. From time to time I would feel a twinge/a hankering that there was something more, something more intimate that I wanted to dedicate my time and energy to. As a young adult, I aspired to be a counselor of some kind, and while my career afforded me many informal counseling opportunities as a leader of people, it was not enough. So when I retired in October of 2024, I had plotted my next move when (thanks to serendipity) I heard a podcast by an incredible human named Alua Arthur, a Death Doula and author. Hearing her story changed my trajectory and affirmed for me that I wanted to be a Death Doula.
In my research I learned about an organization called INELDA (International End of Life Doula Association). I was enrolled in their intensive course in Richmond, Virginia and my world opened when I was met by a room full of like-minded, highly compassionate, empathic men and women who shared my vision to create space and opportunity to discuss, plan for, and de-stigmatize our western culture’s morose view of death and dying. Since then, I started Chesapeake Bay Death Doula and serve clients in Maryland, Virginia, and D.C.. I also do virtual doula work across the US and Canada. This path has been every bit as enriching and rewarding as I had hoped. Each client and family I work with provides insights and new perspectives on humanity that both delight and ground me. What I love most is that everyone has a beautiful story to tell. Every life is filled with joy and hope, heartache and loss. I hope that through my work as a Death Doula, I can encourage people not to wait until they are near the end to share their story, their peace, their truth. It’s their legacy and should be shared.
Can you give our readers an introduction to your business? Maybe you can share a bit about what you do and what sets you apart from others?
Leaving the warmth of and comfort of a security blanket is hard and overwhelming. And while my career was stressful (especially after Covid), it was the devil I knew. An entrepreneur by nature, early retirement was an incredible gift that opened a new world for me. Never afraid of hard work, I have always hustled and tried new things, but this time is different. A lifelong learner, I wanted to reach into a new area of expertise that would have positive impact and would stretch me to live again outside my comfort zone. Having a blank canvas in your early 60s is an amazing gift and I don’t want to squander it.
Becoming a death doula is hard and intense work. It challenges me in ways that I’ve not been challenged before. Working with the terminally ill is an incredible honor, but not without extreme highs and lows. Dealing with families in their most vulnerable state brings an intimacy that has to be respected. It’s a sacred time when a loved one is dying. Truths are revealed, fences are mended (or burned to the ground once and for all) and honesty and vulnerability take center stage. With so many of us, there are things that have been left unsaid, tasks left undone, but mostly I see tenderness brimming from caregivers in a way that makes you fall in love with humanity all over again – something I must have been seeking in my subconscious.
My best doula work is done when I have the opportunity to meet families BEFORE their beloved is actively dying. Families often call me when there is a terminal diagnosis. Most families learn about death doulas from hospice nurses and social workers in the eleventh hour, and while a doula can offer consistent, compassionate care and support as a loved one is transitioning, an end-of-life doula can offer a broad array of services to families in transition through grief coaching, death education, and an compassionate vigilance as we walk with the dying to their next destination. Even without a terminal diagnosis, death doulas provide education on death and dying, ensuring families have their affairs in order so that their loved one can experience what I call a “good death,” a death with clean lines and clear instructions for the survivors. Survivorship does not need to be made more difficult than it already is, and a death doula is trained to bring peace and clarity to chaos.
Let’s say your best friend was visiting the area and you wanted to show them the best time ever. Where would you take them? Give us a little itinerary – say it was a week long trip, where would you eat, drink, visit, hang out, etc.
The Chesapeake Bay has been my happy place since I was a young girl. There’s no place I love more, and I love sharing it with anyone who wants to visit. My husband and I are fortunate to have a boat on the West River, and from our spot on the Bay we can get to great restaurants on both the Eastern shore, and on the Annapolis side of the Bay. One of our favorite trips is taking friends out at dawn to watch the sun rise over Thomas Point light. When we’re lucky, we can see the Cownose rays swimming gracefully like angels across the morning’s placid surface and it’s breathtaking.
Each year, we kick off boating season by anchoring at the mouth of the Severn River to watch the Blue Angels fly in honor of the U.S. Naval Academy graduates. It’s my favorite day of the year!
Of course, there are fabulous biking and walking paths and parks all across Anne Arundel and neighboring counties. With countless restaurants and outdoor venues for music, there are always options depending on the crowd, your mood, and the weather. I love this place and am so happy to it my home.
Shoutout is all about shouting out others who you feel deserve additional recognition and exposure. Who would you like to shoutout?
I could not have started Chesapeake Bay Death Doula without the love, support, and encouragement of my husband, Peter. For two+ decades he watched me pour every ounce of energy into my work in non-profit leadership. Post-Covid, the stress and uncertainty of non-profits was slowly degrading both my dedication and energy for raising money, training teams, leading events, improving processes, all while finding joy and satisfaction in my career. As this existential crisis washed over me, it was clear I needed a drastic change for my mental and physical well-being. It was an easy decision, but difficult to do because I was leaving the familiar for the unknown.
When I learned about INELDA, (International End of Life Doula Association) and their programs, I knew that I’d found my place. I have been honored and humbled to join an incredible network of like-minded doulas from across the country who participate in forums, chats, and even personal emails of encouragement. As with birth, every experience in death is unique and (at times) heavy, and so having a network of doulas with whom I can share makes my work possible and keeps my perspective grounded.
I also have a web of loyal and beautiful friends who not only support me as a doula, but also have a genuine curiosity for my work and who encourage me – even if they do not fully understand what draws me to death-positive work.
Website: https://www.chesapeakebaydeathdoula.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/careymacp/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/carey.palmquist
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