We had the good fortune of connecting with Marisa Nicole and we’ve shared our conversation below.
Hi Marisa, what matters most to you?
The principle of “treating others the way you want to be treated” goes very deep for me. Especially as a mother. But also as someone that is constantly on the journey of healing.
I grew up in an environment where therapy wasn’t utilized, mental health wasn’t talked about, and parenting wasn’t mindful. Generational cycles/traumas being handed down without even realizing it. Which in turn, meant nothing was being done to actively BREAK those cycles/heal those traumas. It wasn’t about “treating others the way you want to be treated” because the struggle of mental health seemed to cloud that.
When I think about treating others the way I want to be treated, I also reflect back on times in my life when I was at my “lowest”. When I was hurting. When I projected that pain onto others. Or the flip side of that, where I internally did not think I deserved better than mistreatment.
When I became a mother, it was natural for me to compare myself to other parents but also to my own mother. What did I want to do differently? How did I feel growing up? What was most important to me as a person & mother?
One of the most important things I had to learn over the years was “people can only meet you as far as they have met themselves”. And this really hit me because I applied to myself, but also reminded myself of that truth when it came to other people as well and my interactions with them.
Most importantly, I applied it to my parenting. And applied it to the way I healed from certain aspects of my childhood. That my mother did the best she could with her level of awareness. She met me as far as she had met herself.
As I started realizing these truths, I knew one thing was most important to me, and that was to TRULY treat everyone (starting with my daughter) the way I wanted to be treated. No matter how I was being treated.
If I am going to teach my daughter that age old lesson of “treat others the way you want to be treated”, I have to lead by example. That has been my absolute biggest priority as a mother. Mutual respect. Treating my daughter exactly the way I want her to treat me (and everyone around her). Leading by this example has also helped in my own healing. Having her there keeping me accountable without her even realizing it.
Being an example of remaining kind, patient, and regulating my emotions, no matter what the outside factors are/how someone ELSE is treating me.
This topic came up with her too when we were talking about bullies. And how if someone is being mean to her, bullying her, attacking her… they are hurting. It has nothing to do with her. I ask her “are you a mean person?” she says “no.. of course not” so I respond with “exactly. and that shouldn’t change based on someone ELSES actions or words.” To not allow other peoples hurtful actions or words to change who SHE is.
I gave her examples of times people have lashed out at me (or times I have lashed out) and where it was coming from internally. I also shared stories with her of how in the face of being yelled at, called names, etc, I remained kind & the amount of times it has deescalated situations and lead to apologies and healing.
When I treated the other person the other way I wanted to be treated, it was a mirror. The same is true for negative energy/treatment. If I were to mirror the name calling, the anger, the attacking – it would escalate. I am treating that person… how I want to be treated, Thats all they see. Whether it’s negative or positive.
The principle of “treating others the way you want to be treated” is very delicate because it is entirely true in both positive AND negative ways. We all tend to mirror each other. It takes a lot of self awareness and healing to be able to mirror positivity in the face of negativity. But it truly makes a world of difference in every single interaction we have with other humans.
Alright, so for those in our community who might not be familiar with your business, can you tell us more?
Since I was a kid, I always wanted to own my own business. Every hobby/interest I had, I always thought “how can I make this into a company?” As an adult, I genuinely did not EVER like being an employee. I didn’t like working for someone else. I wanted something that was mine. Where I made the decisions, had the responsibility, had the VOICE I deserved to run things. Eventually, fighting imposter syndrome/self doubt, I took the leap and started this company.
Where I could turn that passion for mental health awareness into a COMMUNITY. Where I could actively spread mental health messages, start conversations amongst people, remind people they are not alone in what they are feeling/experiencing, validating peoples experiences with mental health struggles, and create something bigger than myself.
I am working as hard as I can to turn Tried & True, xo into a brand.
The podcast, the clothing, the website, the resources, the social media.
Still being in the beginning stages of this company- I do still have to work a full time job.
On top of that, I am a single mom. But not just any single mom. I work extremely hard to be as mindful & present as I can be with her – because I am single handedly breaking GENERATIONS worth of trauma & toxic cycles. Not just as her mother, but for myself. Reparenting myself, while also parenting her, is one of the hardest (but most beautiful things) I have ever had to do.
But it’s also the fire behind my business.
I am always working towards the growth of this community & company. Truly endless late nights & early mornings. Weekends. Any spare second I get.
I am also an extremely transparent person online. Before ever even starting my company, I had created such a beautiful community of people who resonated with my story, who understood what I was going through, and who shared the same passions about mental health awareness. And that has pushed me further than I ever thought I would be able to go. The support, love, and encouragement along the way has been such a driving force.
When people tell me that my posts, designs, messages within my company have saved their life.. helped heal some of their family traumas, made them a better parent.. I am reminded exactly why I started this. I am reminded that no matter how tired I get, no matter how loud my self doubt screams at me, no matter how much I may struggle along the way.. the company & community I have started is much bigger than me. And it’s reaching exactly who it was meant to. That’s all I can ever hope for.
If you had a friend visiting you, what are some of the local spots you’d want to take them around to?
We will definitely stay at Crystal Pier in PB as our hotel stay.
I am going to take them to the Cave Store in La Jolla for some exploring.
Walk through Balboa Park (stop at all of the museums), Old Town (take the ghost tours), and the farmers markets.
As a member of the LGBTQIA+ community, we will be walking around Hillcrest and North Park and enjoying the drag shows and night life in that area.
I also love to show people from out of town how truly different each beach is in San Diego. Between Mission, OB, PB, and La Jolla, they all have their own energy and personalities.
I would also make sure to take them to Barrio Logan. I am so proud to be born and raised in such a diverse and beautiful city.
Who else deserves some credit and recognition?
I have a chosen family of friends & community on social media that has NEVER failed to keep encouraging me. At my lowest, they remind me every single day why I have started my business and worked so hard to remain vulnerable & open about my mental health.